Prissy Puffy Princess Pants

Puff Daddy... P Diddy... Puffy... Fagboy... Whoever the hell you are... You scare me. I mean, not because you look like you have been slapped up side the head by a Down's Syndrome stick but because DUDE!? What is wrong with you? You need to be knocked up side the head with a humble stick. You're not cute. And I'm TOTALLY on Team Tupac.

Where is PETA when you need them? THIS... is not fake fur. When he isn't bitching about the price of gas forcing him to ride in his private jet less, he is wearing massive, expensive dead animals. Some guy.



And when he isn't wearing the massive dead animal draped over his body, he is draping his naked toddler daughters over it to pose for pictures... All the while he is looking quite proud of himself. Celebrity Yuck.

Someone staple that dead critter to his perfectly coiffed head. Please? Better yet, let's see his prissy ass in a cage with a relative of that Bear he's wearing.

Put some clothes on, girlfriend...

I really have to say that it makes me uncomfortable to be nasty about someone I know absolutely nothing about. But, since this is a celeb gossip/fashion site, I've been given automatic forgiveness for cattiness.



I know this is old news, but seriously... How could she not know that her frankentit was hanging out for the whole world to see? Tara, get some press for doing something outstanding. Feed a hungry child... save a rainforest... flash those ugly boobies at a lonely homeless man... do something worthwhile.

I just don't get her. What exactly has she done to deserve press? She isn't talented. She isn't especially smart, witty, cute, or fun to look at. She gets press for walking around in bathing suits, drinking, and sucking up oxygen. Paps, we get it: She's had botched surgery and she spends too much time in the sun. Next?

Someone hold me...

...I'm scared. Normally I don't get a kick out of making fun of the way a person looks because, obviously, I have a teensy bit more depth than that. Come on. My momma taught me that it wasn't nice to stare. But there are a few exceptions I allow myself: Victoria Beckwad and Jocelyn Wildenstein.

But GeezeFarginLouise. What the heck are you supposed to do? This woman is crazy looking, and I don't care which commandments I broke saying it. I feel better making a bit of light out of this knowing that this crazy cat actually spent MONEY doing this to herself. If it were a birth defect, I'd do the whole, "Tsk, tsk, tsk. Poor gal." But this crazy bitch spent 4 million dollars to scare the shit out of me. And I'm taking that shit personal!

I mean, aren't there hungry children somewhere? A church in the deep south that needs painting? An elderly woman who needs her furnace fixed? Four Million Dollars, Y'all! What kind of good could you do with that kind of money? And that 4 mill was just a Farmer John in the wind for her compared to the money she has sitting in savings. Jocelyn. Woman? Do something good with your money, Girlfriend. Buy me a Coach purse or something.

I'm going to pull 4 million out of my back pocket right now to hire a criminal to hot glue a freddie krueger mask on her ass. You can thank me for saving the planet later.




Homegranny has a nice body though. BaM! Go on with your bad self, Jocelyn. Go right on over to Coach.com and buy me that extra large Zoe in cream and the Delphine Python.